Life As Lex

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Five Days.

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Five days. 

This is how many days we have left until our due date.
Five more days of waiting.
I personally don’t like having a due date. I guess that’s the anxious side of me speaking. I kind of wish my midwives would say “you’re due around the middle to end of January.” I know having a “due date” is import to make sure you don’t go past a certain week for health reasons. I just know that my poor nerves are becoming shot.
As you all know I’ll be walking down the road of labor and delivery naturally. I would love to sit here and say I have fully prepared myself. That I have read all the books and taken all of the classes. 
Honestly, I haven’t done either. In fact, I didn’t even finish reading the Bradley method book I started. I got close…but didn’t quite finish it. I was so stressed about reading and re reading every single word in the book that I forgot my body was designed for this.
I do feel you need to be prepared of course for a med free and natural birth. However, I feel I got what I needed to be prepared. Or as prepared as one can be for this sort of thing.
In the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about birth a lot since it is right around the corner. I’ve been reading birth stories and learning more about different situations during birth.
I’ve become more educated with my own body and exactly how it works(females are amazing y’all). 
I’ve been terrified. I am not going to lie. The “what if’s” have been flying through the air and I have been grabbing them and shoving them into my head. 
I feel so close to labor my mind has been pressuring my body. Like come on let’s do something. Let’s make a move. Let’s do this. 
I’ve even been saying Caroline just isn’t ready. The truth is, Caroline is ready. Her organs are developed, she has run out of room, she practices her breathing(which is one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen), and she has packed on that baby fat. My body is however not ready. If it were, it would be in labor right now.
Being patient and waiting on my body is the hardest part right now. My body isn’t surprised by this pregnancy. My body was designed for this moment and every moment in pregnancy. It knows what it’s doing(thank goodness because I don’t!). 
Not only is my body not surprised but neither is God. He knows exactly when Carolines birthday is, what she looks like, and how much hair she is going to have. He knows how long my labor will last and exactly how my birth story will go. 
I will rest in that.
And as I slowly mark off another day off the calendar as a day that isn’t Carolines birthday…I will hold onto the fact that I need not worry. Everything will be fine. 
As terrifying as the whole thing can be. I know that I can do this. I may not have read all the books and I may not have stepped foot in a birthing class…but that’s okay. I know this is going to be very uncomfortable. I know this is going to be pain with a purpose. I know contractions come and contractions go. 
The end goal…the baby. She is worth it. And that is what I hold onto. Holding my baby. One step closer to holding our baby. One more step closer to Allie meeting her sister who she has longed to meet for 9 long months. For getting Matt’s first blood baby here so he can love and adore her. One more step closer to grandparents meeting their grand baby. For her aunts getting to hold her in their arms. 
This is all in my mind. And will continue to be. I have a lot of people counting on me to get this baby here. And I will do just that. 
Thanks for reading,
Lex 

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