How long has it been? Well, too long really.
Life has been going on as usual. I’m happy to report that the drama that had been my life for almost 6 months is now almost completely gone.
I’m happy to say that I feel as if everything is finally falling into place.
I’m content. I’m happy. And there really isn’t much more to it than that.
I haven’t written a new blog in a while because honestly, I haven’t had much inspiration, dedication, or determination to get creative or been in the mood to write. Now that I’m writing, I realize just how much I missed it without knowing it. And honestly I am not too sure where this post is headed. At all actually.
I needed the release. I needed to feel the sense of freedom and the feeling and the high I receive from blogging and writing.
Not a whole lot has changed. The drama, the negativity, the bull shit, it has all calmed down.
The coffee however, has not.
Now that the fire has settled and the weapons have been laid down…the smoke has cleared…
I can finally say I’m starting to see things in life a whole lot clearer.
Something I learned in the year 2015.
I’ve always been really hard on myself. I would say that comes with my inward need to please people. When I have let others down I don’t deal well, at all. On the outward I may look all fine and dandy…but on the inside? I feel as if I were suffocating. I feel like I might as well give up everything because I’ve let someone down.
Mistakes are something that seem to come easily to me at times. At times I feel my mistakes are worse than anyone else’s in the whole world. That I’m a failure because I’ve made a mistake.
Let’s clear this up. Have I learned from the situation? Have I repeatedly done the same thing over and over again?
The answer to the first question is yes, I’ve learned. The answer to the second is no, I haven’t repeatedly done it over and over again.
For those of you who are a little extra hard on yourselves for past mistakes or even mistakes you’re currently going through. It’s okay. I promise you. You’re going to come out on top of you allow yourself to learn. If you allow yourself to learn something from your situation.
Now, I’m not saying go out and screw up or mess up on purpose and justify it later by “learning something”. No.
I’m saying to be a little easier on yourself. To take a step back.
To realize you’re human. Just like I am.
I’m human. I’ve done some really crappy things in my life and I’ve hurt and let down a lot of people. I’ve don’t things I’m not proud of. Guess what though? They have molded me into who I am today. And for that, I’m forever grateful. I’ve done a lot of things in my life the hard way. Sadly, for my parents, that had and has to be hard to watch. And to them, I’m truly sorry.
I’m me though. And despite my mess ups, let downs, and mistakes they still care for me.
Life is seriously too short and way too beautiful to sit around beating yourself up for things of your past. I’m serious.
Move forward. Look at the sun and let the light shine on your face. You’re alive and you are breathing.
You’re here. You’re experiencing life. Some people aren’t so lucky as I’ve stated before.
I’ve been slowly learning over these last months…that life is too short to be concerned with every single detail. Stop obsessing. Stop picking yourself apart and asking what if. Stop it.
Stop trying to please the world. And accept yourself and love yourself and cherish the one single solitary life you get. This is it. This is the one life on planet earth you get. Live it. Love it.
Don’t take it for granted. Cause one day you will wish you hadn’t.
Thanks so much for reading. I promise I will get back into more organized posts. I guess you could say I’m more for organized chaos.