Life As Lex

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Stay At Home? Or Working? We Are All Mothers.

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Oh goodness. Hey all!

Sorry I have been missing for a while. Life is crazy and work is busy. Life happens you know?

I got a little inspiration from a friend on a topic to write on. This is one that bothers me on the daily. I see it on Facebook constantly. It’s a battle. It’s a conflict. It’s a fight. It’s ridiculous and stupid if you ask me. But, that’s just my personal opinion if I’m being real here.

What is this you’re wondering? Working mothers vs. stay at home mothers.

Which is harder? Which requires more “work”? Which is better? Which is easier? Which is smarter? Which is this and which is that.

This is coming from someone who has been in BOTH shoes.

I’ve been a stay at home mother and a working mother. And I am here to talk about both sides.

First off, I have both sympathy and no sympathy for stay at home mommys. I have both sympathy and no sympathy for working mothers as well.

Staying at home with your babies is a blessing on so many levels. You’re able to be there for them, hold them, love them, and care for them on your own. And let’s face it..most of the time a mother is going to love and adore that baby the most. Therefore it can be so great to be home with your children. You can give them one on one attention and teach them things they may not get at a daycare. 

On another hand, being a stay at home mom is taxing and trying at times. It’s exhausting and those who haven’t been there can’t and won’t understand. You take care of the kids all day. Your husband or significant other doesn’t understand why you want to “dump them off” on him the second he walks in the door. Well, because sometimes kids are like tony dictators. They are down right exhausting. And when you walk in the door we want help. We need help. You feel bad for not being able to contribute financially. Any stay at home mother knows this to be true. We feel bad we can’t help with the bills. We feel bad you go work all day. And sometimes you may make comments that being a stay at home mom is “so easy” and “you should be more appreciative”. Nothing is more frustrating than those comments. Because we know and understand how truly blessed and lucky we are to be able to care for our children ourselves. And not to mention we get cabin fever! We are cooped up in that house with mini humans ALL. DAY. LONG. We need some big human interaction and conversation from time to time. It can get extremely depressing staying home for days on end. 

And let’s look at not only the hardships of each but the blessings and positives of each as well. 

I know a few of my favorite things being a stay at home mom was, wearing whatever I wanted all day. No bra for days on end? Heck yes. Sleeping in if the children allow? Score. Being at home. Being able to do what you want when you want according to said children’s schedules. Being able to be at children’s school functions on time and stay for the whole thing without having to get off work or miss working hours. There are many beautiful things about being a stay at home mother. I believe anyone who is lucky enough to be a stay at home is lucky enough.

Now, onto my opinion of a working mother. Which is currently what I am.

For me, these two are just so different. There are almost zero similarities here. None. To me anyhow. 

I’ve been a working mother since 2012. It was an extremely rough transition for me. 

I got a divorce and had to get a job. I had never really had a grown a job before. I worked a few jobs in high school but never full time. 

Leaving my child was hard. It made it easier on me because my own mom kept her for me. She watched after her and I knew she was in the most amazing hands she could be in. That made it a little better. 

Now, onto my opinion of a working mother. A working mother has many trials as well. In my experience it’s rough being away. When I had to leave her it hurt. I missed my daughter terribly. And even though she was in the best care she could be, I still missed her. I felt a sort of wedge go between us when I first started working. She was confused. She didn’t understand why I was leaving her at first. She grew a little and understood that mommy had to work to take care of her. This made things a little better between us. Having to take off work or miss work hours for school functions. My daughter is worth missing so many hours at work. She is first. But not being able to just show up to everything when I want to has been extremely hard. Making sure I’m allowed off work for her school functions is rough. It’s a struggle for sure. Not being able to stay at home with your baby because you have to work and have no choice is hard. It’s tough. It is a real challenge at times. Waking up early to make the drive to work. To have to drop your little one off and say goodbye. To not see them but just a few hours after work. It’s hard.

Other times it isn’t as hard. There are many benefits to being a working mom as well. As I said in the stay at home portion. It’s hard when you’re a stay at home mom to except you don’t provide financially. With being a working mom you contribute to the finances. Which is an amazing feeling. It truly is. Being a working mom I’m able to get out of the house and stay busy all day and feel accomplished. It feels wonderful to know I work hard day in and day out to provide the best I can for my baby. It feels awesome. Being able to contribute financially is awesome. It really is. Having money I earned myself is great. 

Being away from my daughter, is hard. Being away from our kids is hard. A lot of working mothers have missed a lot of their child’s life. The child will understand. They really will. But it hurts. It hurts working moms, dads too I’m sure.

So, both sides aren’t beautiful or glamorous and honestly, one side isn’t “harder” or “easier” or even “better”. 

Why must we fight against one another? Working moms are beautiful. Stay at home moms are beautiful. We are all doing what is needed and what is best for OUR families. Thus, we need to not judge our sisters who do otherwise. And honestly, if you’re trying to argue that you have it worse than me by being a stay at home mom…by all means, take the hard job. I’ll keep being a working mother who has it “easier”. 

And no, no one has argued with me on this issue. I refuse to argue about this issue. I did however want to share both sides because I see this issue so very often in life, on social media and hear those around me speak of such things. 

Seriously ladies, you could have it way worse. Embrace your situations and stop trying to make one “harder” than the other. 

If you have a job, that’s a blessing. If you are a stay at home mommy, that’s a blessing. Enjoy whatever blessing YOU have and stop worrying on others.

I’m going to hop off my soap box now. 

My boyfriend and I are having a Harry Potter weekend and watching all of them. We are on the half blood prince and enjoying every second. I’m going to enjoy my weekend before work comes on Tuesday. 

Again, sorry it has taken so long between posts! And sorry if this one is a bit scattered. It took me a few days to write it all. 
Thanks as always for reading,

Lex

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6 Comments

  1. Awesome post, even though I’m not a mother currently I do know both are hard. My mom stayed home with us most of the time and my dad would have the typical “you do nothing all day” comments but she cleaned, she cooked, she took care of us, made sure we had what we needed, and broke up fights. Neither side is “easier” like you said. Both sides have advantages and disadvantages… Just like everything else in life.

  2. Aw, this was a really nice post. Spending some time and actual effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a whole lot and never manage to get anything done.

  3. I do not even know how I ended up here, bbut
    I thought this post was great. I ddo not know who you are
    but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!

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