Life As Lex

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Loving Through Loss

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This subject is extremely hard for me. It’s tough because I’ve been on this side of things for as long as I can remember.

I’m the one who is there and reaches out to those hurting. It’s how I’m wired. 

I’m grateful I was blessed with that kind of heart.

If anyone has loved through loss than you know just how frustrating, difficult, and painful those times can be.

And by loving through loss I mean you are loving someone who has lost someone. 

Being there for someone who has lost someone is easy at times. Other times, it is extremely hard.

It’s hard when that person is hurting so bad. It’s frustrating because you want to fix them. When in reality, you can’t. It’s frustrating when you want to do something for them and there isn’t much you can do.

Be there for them. It may be hard and you may feel at times you are doing nothing but getting in the way. Stick with it. Don’t give up. In the long run it will all be great. They will see who was there even when things were extremely hard. 

My biggest and hardest times of loving through loss was when my best friend lost her son. 

Not only did I hurt for myself, selfishly because this was my best friends son…making him my nephew. I had longed to hold him in my arms since the moment she told me she was pregnant. I had watched her go through emotions all over the board. From being terrified of being a new mom to being extremely excited and thrilled. But, most of all I hurt for my best friends heart. I hurt for her. I had not a clue how she was feeling on the inside. I couldn’t understand because I wasn’t her. I wasn’t going through it in the same way as she. She felt the physical and mental pain of losing a child and I had never gone through that. 

She didn’t miscarry her baby. She gave birth to him and spent time with him while he fought to keep his tiny body alive. She went through labor. She was in so much physical pain.

I watched in the months following as she fell into a black hole. My best friend. The perky, happy, full of energy blonde, wasn’t there. I mean, she was there. She was just pushed to the very depths of my best friends mind. She would shine through every now and then and I held onto hope that she would come back.

I prayed for my best friend a lot. There were times were she would pull away from me. There were times I had no words to give her. I had nothing. There were times where I felt exhausted from trying to make her feel better. 

The truth of this exhaustion is, I had no clue what she was going through. I tried and I tried and I tried to understand. I couldn’t understand. So this trying was doing nothing. I wanted to rip away this demon of depression that held her down. 

Truth is, she needed to grieve. And I was there for her when she needed me to be. And that was literally all I could do. That’s all you can do for those you love too.

All we can do is be there. We don’t need to understand. Our friends and family who have lost someone they love do NOT need us to understand what they are going through. And the truth is when we try and understand that might hurt them more.

There may even be times where your relationship with whoever feels like it won’t last. There were times where I felt me and my best friend distance each other during that time. The months that followed the loss were really hard.

 
Having to watch someone you love go through that is really rough. 

Also, my mothers mom, my Memaw has passed away. I believe the situation I went through with my best friend has taught me a lot about being there for someone as they are in pain.

Loving someone through loss may just be one of the hardest most frustrating things in life. Just for the simple fact that you love them so much and you want to take away there pain. Because I know I would have in a heart beat. I would take the pain if I could. For my best friend and for my mother.

We must let our loved ones grow through their pain. Because they do. They grow so much over time. They learn through their experience in the loss. 

I’ve got to watch as my best friend turned into a women through it. She grew up so much. And I got to watch. I got to watch her grow stronger. 

Seeing someone you love be in pain is anything but a walk in the park. 

But, you must stand your ground. You must be there. Even on the days where it seems they may not want you to be there. They are confused and hurting. Pain makes us as humans do some crazy things. You must always remember that. Pain has overtook your love one. This doesn’t excuse bad behavior though it does help to understand that they may not be completely themselves through the healing process.

Please, stick by your loved one who is hurting. They need you. As hard, painful, and frustrating as it may be. You’ll be so thankful you did. They will be also. They may not see it in that moment, or they may. But, they will see it when they come through it. When they start feeling human again and they open their eyes and they finally look up. They see who is standing there with open arms. They see and feel the love you’ve poured into them.

And if in the end they don’t, at least you know you were there. You did the right thing. You did your best.

Hold your grieving loved ones close, and give them space when they need it. Because some days, they may just need the space. They may need alone time. You don’t have to understand why. that’s just the way it is.

So, in this season of grieving. In this season of pain and frustration. Hold tight. Stick close to them and never let them go. Love them and care for them how they need you to.

Thanks for reading,

Lex 

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