It’s here(well, almost). Thanksgiving is TOMORROW. And honestly…I’m not all that ready. I guess I have to be.
If you haven’t been reading along…here is how I’m truly feeling about the holidays this year.
As the holidays are here…ready or not. They are here.
I can’t help to think back on memories of the past this time of year. Maybe that’s half the reason it is a struggle for me. Thinking of how things use to be. And I know how wrong this is.
But, it’s life, it happens.
Hey, remember me?
We use to be close. Once upon a time.
Sometimes I barely even remember those days. I’m no longer the person I use to be. Time has a funny way of doing that, changing a person.
We use to know one another well. So well.
You were different then. You were a little bit more shy and a lot more timid. You were so afraid to speak your mind.
You kept a lot of things to yourself for reasons you still don’t understand.
Fear was it?
Yeah, I think fear was why.
You were so quiet at times. Your brain didn’t think as much then.
You were free yet trapped. Your mind still played games on you then and your anxiety ran free.
You were oh so sensitive to life and to others.
You had many friends then. You loved people just as you do now. You cared and loved very deeply.
Your heart was broken, crushed even. By that silly boy. That boy you wanted so desperately.
You were half the person you are now. You still had so much growing left to do. Even now, you still have so much growth left in your life.
Back then you knew yet you didn’t know exactly what you wanted out of life. You tried to piece it all together. And at times you thought you had it all figured out..only to learn you really had no idea.
You didn’t hold your head high as you do now. In fact, most times you were glancing at the ground. You were so sad conscious. You were so unsure of your self in those days.
You are someone of the past.
Someone I use to know.
I’m so thankful I don’t know who you are anymore. I’m glad you are gone. Every now and again I see a glimpse of you. I see you. But, as quickly as I see you…I push you away. I kick you out. You aren’t welcomed here.
You were scared…too scared of life. Too scared to do anything for yourself. You were so scared that you wouldn’t please those around you. You bent backwards to please different people in your life…you almost forgot to see yourself and your worth.
No, you did forget to see yourself and your worth.
You let people run over you in the worst of ways.
You’re stronger now. I see it day in and day out. You’ve grown strong through your circumstances. You have grown so very much. You needed to. You needed to go through everything you have. You have let it mold you and shape you into who you are today.
You were a different person then. You were me. I was you. We are the same. Yet, at the same time, we are so different.
So, to the person I use to know, to my past self. I say thank you. Thank you for teaching me lesson after lesson. Thanks for being a constant reminder of the person I don’t want to go back to. I won’t go back to.
You will always be appreciated. But, we will never meet again. You are in the past and there you will stay. Forever and for always.
Thanks for reading,